Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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