So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
