Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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