She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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