All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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