Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
