non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize