id be glad to
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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