i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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