I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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