no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Text me some of your sweat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize