Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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