It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
