Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
