smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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