...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
