Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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