how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
