Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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