THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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