she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
