thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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