I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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