I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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