I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
