she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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