Those balls look pretty dangerous.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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