are you still at the devil's house?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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