just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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