it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
