i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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