Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
