Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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