I cannot find my penis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize