i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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