Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
...so i touched it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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