so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My feet surprised me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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