I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
