You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
