I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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