She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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