WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
