The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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