the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
