Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
