his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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