i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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