i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Alive.
So much puke
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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