Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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