This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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