Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
