for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
