Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
