I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
