Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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