you would pick up someone in the library
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
