So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So vagazzling was a success
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