I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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