First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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