I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
