All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
