Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
