i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
