I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize