There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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