dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just puked most of my soul out..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
