I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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