Umm I'm too high to move.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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