he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
