just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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