my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
