I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
