reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
