I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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