My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My breasts were aching with rage.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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