remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
