I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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