i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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