At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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