The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
