I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
