i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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