Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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