Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize