What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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