Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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